This week has been full of juggling. The kids are back in school (hooray!), I ended up with a new writing project (tech not creative), and I’ve been working diligently on edits.

In the near future my situation may change, which will result in a less free-and-open schedule where I make my own hours and do my own thing. In these times of economic uncertainty, I felt it was necessary to get back to a ‘real job’ again. Which sucks, but will make our financial picture a whole lot better.

But this could mean a different schedule for my creative writing self. Which does worry me. I’ve been very lucky to be able to pursue my writing for the last five years, while still being able to keep our family afloat with other things.

Times are changing, though, and I will have to learn to change with them. For better or for worse.

There is something to be said for a for stable economic situation. That removes quite a bit of stress and worry from my life, which should result in more writing. Because if my head is not stuck in worry mode, my creative brain seems to go a little crazy with ideas and such.

I find it ironic that just when I get on a roll with my writing, just when I might actually make a decent bit of money for my writing, I find myself lining up a job that will take time away from my writing. But that’s okay. I will find a way to balance everything, I’m sure.

I was thinking just this morning about how little authors are paid (most of us, anyway). Even when sales are ‘good,’ the pay for the work you put into that writing is so minimal, it’s kind of sad. But that does prove to me that unless you LOVE writing and feel compelled to do it, you wouldn’t feel compelled to choose this path as a career.

Wish me luck. I may know within a couple of weeks if my situation will change soon.

I think 2009 is going to be a good year. Not that 2008 wasn’t…it had its moments, though. Not five days into the new year, and I’m quite a busy lady. With the possibility for more changes and more good stuff.

I like change. I’ve moved around quite a bit since I turned eighteen, and I like it. Although I would say in my earlier years I was a shy kind of person–not liking crowds or places where I didn’t know anyone–I really do like to see new things and go new places. Which is probably a good thing for a person with shy tendencies.

So to look ahead at 2009 and see what’s coming…and what MIGHT come…is very exciting to me. I’m ready for changes. Sure, it’s stressful sometimes. Sure, it’s scary. But if we don’t try new things and let go of our fears, life can be rather dull and too predictable. And since we each only have one life to live…why waste it with repetition and sameness?

I leap into 2009 with work ahead of me, a few unknowns, and a lot of hope and excitement. I don’t make resolutions or set goals every January…but I do a lot of wondering and thinking ahead about what the year might have in store for me.

One of the best things I’ve learned in life is to just let go. If you mess up or make a mistake, guess what? Another opportunity will come along. If you are marginally well-educated and keep a positive attitude, those two things can take you a long way in life, no matter the obstacles you run into.

2009 come and get me! I’m ready to go for a ride!

This will not contain a lot of detail…but I just felt a need to put this out in a public space. There are two very wonderful people out there in the world who have seriously helped me out this week. In a big way. They probably don’t even know how much their help means to me. But I appreciate both of them going out of their way and extending a helping hand.  You know who you are.

Merry Christmas.

I don’t know what to think about this week. Some days were good, others bad. Business has been so slow, it’s painful, so that is bad. BUT, people have been kind and generous to me this week, so that is good. I’ve been looking for work for three months now with no luck, which is bad. BUT I took a test for a job on Tuesday and did really well, so that is good.

See? Up and down.

I’m trying to stay positive. With all of my new contracts over the last couple of months, can I really complain all that much? The most I can complain about is having to wait a few months more for some new covers/new releases. Right?

2009 is a big unknown for me in many ways. It should mean a huge shake up in my life as I know it. Which can be good and bad. Adjusting to a new schedule or a new lifestyle is hard, but life is hard most of the time. And you just have to suck it up and do it.

Used to be, in the past when times were hard, it was just me or me and my husband. And we had very little to worry about beyond finding money for the groceries and maybe the rent. Nowadays I have two kids, a mortgage, and other concerns that eat away at my brain until all that is left is worry, worry, worry.

But worrying gets me nowhere. Worrying just freezes me from acting, from doing, from changing. I do feel like I’m making some in-roads, but it seems too slow. I want things to happen NOW, for improvements to be happening this very minute. Not next week or next month. NOW.

So I pray for a little patience, a little bit of trust that things will improve if I only give it a chance, that life is up and down and currently I’m in the very down part of the down.

I hang my hopes on my releases for 2009 as a big huge positive that should be outweighing a lot of the negative. And I give myself a big ol’ kick in the pants for continuing to stress and freak and worry. That does NOTHING to correct my current situation. In fact, it tends to make it worse.

All right. That was my life adjustment post. I’m not the only person out there in a bad situation. There are others MUCH worse off than I am.

There. I am feeling better already.

All Romance Ebooks is running a contest right now. And here is my answer to the Dear Santa letter - 

Dear Santa,

I have been a very good boy or girl this year. What do I want for the holidays? An iPhone/iTouch so that I can use Stanza to read all the romance I need from all the publishers I love that I buy at All Romance eBooks. You see, Santa, I deserve the iPhone/iTouch because…

…finances are tight right now, so Christmas presents for grown-ups are most likely going to be limited and small. Also, I’m an erotic romance writer, and I DON’T have any type of e-reader myself, which is kind of a crime, if you think about it….

Here’s to hoping I might win a really cool gift.

Kris 

I have a lot of quiet hours to myself today. Here’s my schedule:

1) Play catch up on laundry. Seems that if I don’t do at least one or two loads of laundry a day, I get so terribly behind that dirty socks and towels start taking over my house in large conspicuous mounds. Must get on top of the laundry situation today.

2) Write at least 1K in my ICE WHITE story.

3) Empty and load the dishwasher. Hand wash all the crap that can’t go in the dishwasher.

4) Write some more in my ICE WHITE story.

Do you think I can manage this? I hope so. I’ve been obsessed with reading the news lately (the elections will do that to you), so I have wasted precious moments of writing time.

Not today.

Significant progress must be made.

Check back this evening for an update on my writing progress. If you haven’t noticed, on my main page, if you scroll down, are some WIP progress reports.

If you haven’t taken a peek at the rest of my website lately, check out the new little graphic in my sidebar! (go ahead and look, I’ll wait…)

I’m participating in a Scavenger Hunt with Cobblestone Press. A bunch of CP authors have put up all kinds of interesting prizes. My addition to the mix is a deck of cards with my GOING DOWN cover on the front!  They are very cool…and something different from the usual pens and magnets. There will also be free books, gift certificates, and more!

If you click on the graphic there’s a link to a forum posting. Right now the contest hasn’t yet begun, but you can bookmark the link and revisit when the hunt is live.

Should be a ton of fun. So make sure to keep an eye on it!

Kris

I woke up yesterday and noticed that the leaves are starting turn outside. Just a bit of yellow here and a tiny bit of red there. I love and hate autumn.

Love it, because the colors are beautiful. And we have a spectacular view where I live. When we get to peak colors, there is nothing more gorgeous. Hate it, because there won’t be anymore leaves on the trees and it all goes so quickly. Within a few weeks, the world goes from a riot of colors to nothing but bare branches.

For the first month or two, the bare branches are okay. I can see things I couldn’t see during the summer - houses tucked behind a row of maples or roads twisting through the mountains, up and up and up. Things are exposed. Different.

But usually by December or January, I am wishing for the cloak of green.

Right now, though, I will look forward to the coming fall season. I’ll hope for some of those sunny days with the bright blue skies that seem almost too blue to be real. I want time to slow down. I want to be able to take it all in and remember how beautiful it can be, before the dead of winter sets in.

I was doing the old IM thing with my writing buddy, Dee Carney, yesterday. We chat about everything under the sun, but many times we do some on the fly brainstorming. Helping each other out when we get stuck. Encouraging each other to finish our latest projects.

Yesterday, I was telling Dee about an idea I’d had over a year ago for a book. A fun, fantasy romance. Cute, fun, but sexy. And as I was describing the idea to her, the brainstorming took off. And she encouraged me to drop my Iniquity book and pick this one up, because clearly the ideas and enthusiasm were rolling.

So, that’s what I did. I opened up a text file and went to town. By the end of the day, I had 3700 words!

The goal is for this to be rather short. Around 15K. I suppose it could end up longer, but right now, that seems to be where it’s heading.

Funny how some ideas, some books just flow out. Like water. With barely any effort. The secondary characters appear as I write the story. Taking shape, coming to life. It’s like I’m watching the movie and taking notes. So interesting how the creative mind works.

This also reminds me that just because I don’t feel “ready” to write a story doesn’t necessarily mean I *can’t* write it. There is a subconscious thing that takes place with an idea. You mull over it for a long time. Looking at it from many angles. Adding little bits and pieces in your head as you go. But from inside, it looks like that - bits and pieces. Disjointed. Unfinished.

But then, when you choose to write (or are prompted by a wonderful friend!), you realize the story is there, ready to be born. It just needed some paper.

I’m hoping this is one of those books that just flies out of my head. At the pace I’m going, it will be done in a week. And that would just be amazing.

I am someone who will purposefully pick a book or a movie knowing it will make me cry. Sometimes I feel like I’m in the minority on this.

So many times I read blog posts or comments about wanting a happy ending, refusing to read an author who doesn’t give one, or avoiding films because the ending is not going to be all roses and chocolates for the characters.

To me, that is so boring. Sorry!

If every book I picked up and every movie I watched had a happy ending guarantee, where would be the surprises? Where would be the emotional highs and lows? Where would be the true humanity behind the characters?

Last night I watched a Japanese animated film from about 20 years ago called “Grave of the Fireflies.” It was an absolutely touching film about a 14-year-old boy and his 4-year-old sister, alone in Japan during World War II trying to survive. His mother is dead. His father’s gone in the Navy. And he has no relatives willing to take him in.

A real heartbreaker. But oh the joy of the human spirit I found in this film. The dedication of one boy to his young sibling…the only true family he has left. And what he tries to do to keep his sister alive…

I’ve never been so emotionally touched watching an animated film.

It was that real to me.

Happy endings are wonderful. Of course I enjoy them! Of course I want to have them most of the time. But sometimes I liked to be slapped in the face with reality. I think because it makes me analyze my own life that much more closely. It puts me in touch with feelings I don’t have access to most of the time. With great sorrow can also come great joy.  And those moments of great joy aren’t as sweet when the ending is guaranteed to be happy.

What about you? Will you watch a film or read a book that doesn’t promise that happy ending?