Sometimes I wonder if my tendency to watch real crime shows comes from my writer self or from some other place. I don’t like “CSI” or “Cold Case” or “Law & Order.” But I do like shows about real crimes - “48 Hours: Hard Evidence,” “American Justice,” or “Cold Case Files.” I also really get into medical mystery shows and the show about drug addicts, “Intervention.”

What in the hell is wrong with me?

Most of the time these shows are horridly disturbing. You hear about the worst of the worst. Awful things. Tragic stories and screwed up lives. But, yet, I always go back for more.

It’s been this way as long as I can remember. I used to snag “Reader’s Digest” out of my mom’s room when I was 9 or 10, reading the true life stories about bear attacks, survivors of explosions, plane crash victims, shark attacks. I couldn’t get enough.

And when I try to self-analyze, the only thing I can come up with is that I find it fascinating to delve into the human psyche to find out why. Why did the killer do these horrible things? Why did one person survive being lost in the woods for a week, but not someone else? What makes people do the things they do?

But these shows always have the element of the awful in them.

You’d think I’d also watch shows like “A Baby Story” or “A Wedding Story” or any number of ‘happy’ real tv shows out there. I’m a romance writer, for heaven’s sake!

But I like my romance to be fictional. The perfect story. With people I like and want to read about. Fantasy romance.

Yeah, I’m a freak.